She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
