don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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