absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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