Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
