I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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