Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he shaved USA in his pubs
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
