I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I look better un-naked...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
