He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
