O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
