not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
birth control should be required to get into college
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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