I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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