he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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