thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
