she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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