can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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