Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
