so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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