respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
