I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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