I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
