don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
50% drunk capacity currently
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
