tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
