Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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