I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
