just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
