Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
