Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
