SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
