phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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