he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
