porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
