gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
