don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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