I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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