New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
