I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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