Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
