Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
