When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
