you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
