dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
