someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
