Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
