just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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