she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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