You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
false alarm, still single
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