She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
