Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
