I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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