C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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