After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
