Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were trust falling into bushes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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